Bill Nye The Animal Guy!
by ijustlovemesomefriedchicken
Summary: One shot : Just this random story where Bill basically loses his mind and tries to get animals to talk.


**Randomly had this idea, I have no clue!**

**I'm a weirdo and I know it :D !**

Bill Nye walked into his lab one day, to find exactly:

1 cat

3 blind mice

5 rats

2 dalmation dogs

1 bunny rabitt

sitting in his office.

"I know!" he says, raising his forefinger as a light went on in his head, "I make you guys speak!"

He took them into his lab and did some weirdo experaments.

"What has your conclusion today been, sir?" asked his assistant, there to assist.

"I conclude," he said proudly, "That animals...cannot speak!"

"Uhhhh...okay," he assistant said awkwardly, "And what about animals being anti-verbal?"

"I am going to make them speak!" Bill grinned.

"I...I have to go home now...so I'll...see you later...sir," his assistant said, backing slowly out of the room.

"I've never really bothered my arse to learn your name, so I'm gonna learn it now? What is your _name_?"

"Chris," he said quietly, thinking Bill was OFF HIS ROCKER BIG STYLE.

"Well, Chris, I will see you tomorrow. Tomorrow will be famous! Famous for being the day when the sexy beast made animals speak!" Bill said.

"Night, then," Chris said, turning on his heel and running.

"I think I made a really good impression on that kid," he told no one in particular.

Bill Nye fell asleep on the floor of his lab that night, still muttering about how animals will speak due morning

When the assistant came back in to find Bill passed out on the floor he shook him awake.

"Bill! Bill! If you wanna do this totally retarded experiment you have to get up!" he screamed at him.

"That's right!" Bill sprung up, "WE. MUST. MAKE. ANIMAL. SPEAK!"

"Sure," Chris nodded, a fake smile plastered on his face.

Bill and Chris spent all day doing more experaments, poking around with the animals.

"Poking! Soundsa wrong," Bill giggled.

They tried loads of different formulas, lotions and potions, trying to get the animals to become able of speech, to no avail.

The animals looked really pissed off with the two men for the first few hours, then they all strated growling in some way or another.

"Does growling sort of count as speech?" Bill squealed, which made all the animals attack him.

He was wrestled to the floor by the animals and the dogs took the opertunity to hump his legs.

Chris, being a weakling nerd who couldn't even fight off animals, called security and got them to pull Bill free.

"Mr Nye are you okay?" one guard asked.

"Butterflys!" Bill giggled.

"I'll walk him home," Chris said, "He just needs rest, I think."

"NO WE HAVE TO MAKE THE ANIMALS SPEAK!" he said like Fred.

"No! No, speak like anyone BUT Fred! That kid does my box in!" one of the gaurds complained.

"SOMEBODY CALL 911 CHARDIE FIRE BURNIN ON THE DANCE FLOOR! WOAAA!"

This caused the security guard to attack him, and his partner had to peel him off Bill.

"Back to the experiments!" Chris screamed.

They did so and the gaurds went back to...wherever guards go, I guess...

Bill kept going on with his Fred impersonation, driving Chris slowly insane.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEY!" he squealed in a cat's ear they were about to try to make speak.

"Get out my face, man," the cat said.

"YOU CAN SPEAK!" Bill shreiked, even louder than before, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"I...dunno..." Chris said slowly.

"Dude, we're supposed to be pretending to not be able to speak so we don't have to speak to a race as stupid as humans? Remember?" one dog said.

"Sorry, man, I couldn't handle it. This guy's a nutjob. Why did we come here again?" the cat said.

"Because we had to find shelter!" one rat spoke up.

"Do you want me to eat you again?" the cat hissed, "Cos last time I did that, the poo version of yourself was not very atractive!"

The humans promised the animals that they would not tell anyone about the animal race's ability to speak unless it was a matter of total emergency.

Meanwhile, in the Bill Is Loopy Loopy **(BILL!) **depeartment:

Bill was still doing Fred impersonations a week later, and he couldn't film shows like that, could he?

So Chris sought him proffessional help and he is presently doing the proffessional's box in too.

**I got bored *sigh***

**Hope you enjoyed my weird story anywayssssss :D**

**Reveiw if you read it?**

**Tah ',xxx**


End file.
